This is a little piece of inspiration on accepting who and what I am not and how I can find peace there.
I have an old friend, whom I recently re-connected with via email. We have been emailing back and forth. I love it. I feel like I have a pen pal. We seem to be very alike. We both write, we both love Jesus, we both are skating through life on bricks, or at least one brick. There is this magical, little thread, which runs between us, making me feel less alone.
Years ago, when she was a leader in the bible study I attended, she would have me laughing all the way home. I could so relate to her brutal honesty. I remember her sharing about wicked hair days and bad luck and other calamities she tackled in day to day life, and I felt like, this is a woman who I can relate to. One thing, in particular, I remember her sharing, was- how for a long time, the famous Beth Moore, was like a thorn in her side because they had so much in common, age, faith, skill sets, yet Beth was- Beth Moore, and she was- well, herself.
I probably remember this, because, I have felt the same way about so many ‘distinguished people’ who just do life well and are recognized for it with lots of accolades.
I felt, perhaps people like me and maybe her, just weren’t made to be all stars, like Beth Moore. We aren’t those kind of people. The organized, highly developed executive functioning experts. At least I’m not. We aren’t go getters, or “A” type, highly energetic and motivated saints, whose paths are paved with gold and lined with thorn less rose bushes. People like that, the all-stars, work out at 6 am, and are always dieting, and God love em’, all their kids understand the rules in their house because they are consistent. I love those people, the Tom Brady’s of the world. They are typically beautiful with great hair and no bunions. Their laundry is always clean, folded and put away. They are the captains, the big hitters, and scorers of society. They get things done without ever getting distracted, they probably don’t collect clutter or sin-too much. My husband is sort of one. I get so mad at him when he’s showered by 7 am on Saturday morning…show off. He always knows what he wants and he is very decisive, he knows where his keys are and his wallet is, in addition. But, he doesn’t write, and he isn’t a ‘feeler’. Not that he wants either of those treasures, because he knows it might keep him from being an executer.
But my friend and I, we are not the all-stars…we are more like, the team players. The team players are vitally important also. We don’t’ usually score the winning touchdown, and the audience doesn’t know our name. We may never be famous or wealthy or powerful in public. Our power is a quiet, silent type and sometimes non-existent. We warm the bench, show up late for practice, and encourage the first round drafts.
I’m chipped, I’m a forgetter, a sit back and waiter, a not speaker upper, non-aggressive avoider. I’m not competitive, I’m overly cautious, and I don’t care about feminism. My influence is subtle and my presence goes unnoticed to the majority. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet, but I think I’m accepting it. I want to be rich and powerful, but I also like to be quiet, alone and write about my flaws in a judgmental-free zone. I like to come and go as I please, without any one to answer to, like camera men, and fans. I can slip through a crowd easily, look someone in the eye honestly and give undivided attention to someone in need of a friend, i can make someone else feel important because I’m not too important. That makes me happy.
I started thinking about some forces that are invisible team players. Like the wind, or undiscovered bacteria strains, unshared ideas, and love, maybe even the Holy Spirit whom we so often forget about. What really counts and makes a thing or person legendary is the effect they have on those around them, and, those around them, are the people who carry on their reputation. Beth Moore may speak to millions of people through her podcasts and books, but I guarantee what matters most to her are those who she loves, and how she touches their lives. There are people we see who are rich and famous and powerful and seem to have it all together. Hollywood is a great example of a whole slew of societal renown giants, who, despite all they have, don’t have what they want. They strive and strain and do and go, go, go. But do they have peace? Do they speak kindness, do justice and walk humbly with their God? Are their names written in the book of Life? Are they able to stop and share life with those around them?
These people may be all stars in man’s eyes, but are they all-stars in God’s eyes. The criteria may be different in heaven.
I think, I’ve decided, I don’t care who knows me, as long as I know God, and He knows me. As long as I’m celebrated in heaven someday and Jesus turns to me and knows my name. He’s the All –Star, but I’m shining just because I’m on his team. And every once in a while, I’m warming the bench with a friend whom I have something in common with, and we are sort of common, but we do it together so it feels glorious.