“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard she said is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.” -Shauna Niequest, Savor

Today I am going upstairs to continue the “magic art of tidying”.  I have already gathered my massive heap of apparel and it’s ready for judgement day.  I have a hard time making decisions which makes this a daunting task for me.    What stays? what goes? Marie Kondon, the author of the book, ‘the life changing magic of tidying’ says to hold each item in your hand if it doesn’t spark joy than it goes. Release it from its prison of unwanted-ness, after thanking it of course. The point is to create  a space you want by surrounding yourself only by what is loved and enjoyed.

This first part is about what you’re willing to let go of. What isn’t bringing you joy and therefore standing in the way of the things you really care about?  Still, doing it is enormously different than reading about it. I mean what if one particular article of clothing sparks joy in the yesterday me that was the smaller me? What if nothing sparks joy because of the bulge that hangs over the top of my pants? Do I then throw it all out? What if everything sparks something? What am I really willing and ready to let go of, when all these clothes although unworn, old and unwanted serve me in some way or another…or do they?

What if I don’t spark joy and therefore don’t find joy in the things I put on?  I can’t discard myself, but then again this brings me to the question am I standing in my own way of the joy that can be part of my life?  ok maybe I don’t get rid of myself, but some of the parts of myself that I no longer need. Or maybe I need to purge an idea I have about who I am or what I should or shouldn’t be doing.  I’m sort of at the stage where I mostly want to be comfortable, comfortable when I get dressed in the morning and comfortable with where my life is headed. I want to love the activities I choose, and feel good about the way I parent and the choices I make about my time and friendships, this means first I need to release some of those other things I don’t love. Some of the beliefs and values I have stored up but find no longer useful or flattering to the woman God is shaping me to be.

How do I choose what to keep and what to throw do I base it on comfort or style, size or appearance?   Is joy sort of jumbled up amidst all those criteria or does it stand alone?   So, it’s up there waiting for me right now. The mountain.  I am heading directly from this computer upstairs. And I have to, because I have gathered every single solitary clothing item and I can’t even get dressed in the morning without searching for 5 minutes for my underwear which is at the bottom of the pile. I’m hoping when I do get to the bottom of the pile I find more than just underwear.

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