How often I pray, i confess my sins, i forgive those who have hurt me. My list contains all the names and faces of those i know, mother, father, husband, friend, sister. How often i come before the throne dragging my complaints behind me in a burlap sack. I plant them at the feet of Jesus, in hopes i will harvest a crop of peace and answered prayers. How often i plead my causes, i send up my supplications a few times my unworthy praises and much deserved worship. I make my requests, i thank him. I leave.

Yet how often do i forgive myself? How often do i forgive me for hurting me, for disappointing others, for the mistakes and the poor choices. Gosh everyone around me can forgive me, but do i forgive me. Isn’t that part of Christ’s forgiveness, if i don’t forgive, he won’t forgive! Maybe, just maybe that is the guilt i have been lugging around.

In reality It is Pride. I whip myself, i torture myself unwilling to forgive and acknowledge and receive grace from myself. Do i foolishly think that i can atone for my own mistakes if i pay the high price of pain and suffering and unforgivness?

Well, i forgave myself today. I will continue to make a habit of this, not because i deserve it, but so that my father in heaven will also forgive me. I will choose to not retain the sins of any. I will choose to accept Christ’s death and not my own for the transgressions and iniquities that are becoming to burdensome for me to bear.

Christ paid it all.

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