Is your faith small? Sometimes mine is. In some places my faith is obvious and other places my faith is unseen and fruitless. When it comes to writing my faith shrivels beneath a blanket of fear.  Much of what I write is hidden in closets and leather bound journals, lost on old computers and word programs. I’m afraid. My son asked me once, “how can you claim to be a Christian and yet so afraid, don’t you trust God? I didn’t know how to answer him. I’m human I guess. Gideon was afraid. sometimes that is the best answer we have. I think I’m tired of people telling me what faith ought to look like, while not giving up any of my core beliefs I want to put on display my personal faith which has developed in unconvential ways in wilderness landscapes.

I choose to believe even those who battle fear and sin can still believe in a Holy perfect God and please him. It is here in the moments of fear, we need God. so why would it be a good idea to conquer the very things that cause us to cling to him? maybe we don’t conquer maybe we just recognize. after all, “there are no atheists in the foxholes” So what will you find here in my faith place, you will find lots of posts about raw and real people. You will find me searching for faith and hope through adversity. You will see that weather biblical or modern day  we are a people of imperfection and flaw’s and for some reason that is exactly who God has chosen to seek out. so what am I trying to be perfect for, God is more glorified in my weaknesses. why am I afraid to reveal them?

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“I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” John 17:4 

Can faith thrive in a messy prayer time, an inconsistent surrender, and a wilderness of anger and sorrow? yes I think so.  I have seen my faith grow in unlikely places, such as on the battlefield of depression and in toxic relationships and small churches. Its ok for faith to be incomplete, unsuccessful and in progress. Our success is determined by what pleases God not a large 401K .  God is not seeking out those who are able, but those who are devoted . 2 Chronicles 16:9 9For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

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Faith doesn’t come in the form of a successful ministry, or a perfect bible study, a brilliant speaker or even after we have things sorted, he appears at the winepress and in the stable and when our feet have climbed for 40 days uphill. He comes to us when we are thirsty , dirty , hungry and dying. when we are at the end of our strength and are willing to need.   I think faith shows up in the form of unconventional desire and desperation. when we can’t see God or recognize him or feel his presence. Suddenly we start believing, there is no need for faith when our eyes are working.   God  hides himself SO THAT we would need faith to see.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for not obtained.  God doesn’t remove struggles he provides them, he doesn’t grant us ease of living, he simulates darkness and isolation,  so that we can grow stronger in that area, as we push through like a seedling through the dark dirty soil to light and life.

A faith place, in my opinion, is not the place you have faith, but the place you need faith

My faith place, is not the place you have faith, but the place you need faith. God brings us there and tests faith in that desolate place.  When Israel needed faith, God led them to the wilderness. When they needed to thirst for Yahweh, he brought them into the desert where there was no water. It was there in that unconventional kingdom and weary land where they knew God and could practice trusting Him. they developed their faith through challenges. Once they were living on the high horse, they had every opportunity to stop trusting and they did. They stopped relying on God.

It is not despite hardships that we live a life of joy and faith but because of them.

I am an unconventional person of faith. my road to God has been in some regards a wilderness, a landscape of grit. This is my faith place where all my unconventional thoughts and experiences find their home. and i can develop the ability to see an invisible God, trust his unseen hands and hear his quiet voice. Welcome!

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